Spiritual Maturity

Self-control: 6 practical steps to the toughest sign of spiritual maturity

 Martin Saunders CHRISTIAN TODAY CONTRIBUTING EDITOR 04 April 2016

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For the Fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and... Perhaps it's no coincidence that Paul left the hardest one until last. Self-control is one of the clearest signs of spiritual maturity, and that's partly because it's the most difficult virtue on that list to manufacture on our own. In a world full of consumer choice and relative abundance, there's not much call for denying ourselves. In fact, the idea is positively old-fashioned. Why would you need to go without when you can have whatever you want?

In this context, a range of supplementary issues have sprung up. Food-related health problems; widespread pornography use (both in and outside the church); office gossip cultures... all have roots in a serious lack of self-control. So does struggling with one of these issues mean that we're not in step with the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5:25)? Not necessarily, but it does mean that we could have a way to go on our journey toward great spiritual health.

Self-control is hard. It's sometimes exhaustingly counter-cultural (how, for instance, do you exercise it on a night out with friends without coming across as a bore?), and unlike most of the other 'Fruits' on Paul's famous list, it's about having the courage and willpower not to do the things that we might naturally feel an urge to do.

While true self-control is undoubtedly a work of God, it's also something we can work towards. We can be intentional about trying to grow this virtue; or at least about inviting God to grow it within us. So how do you do that? How do you practically work towards better self-control in a world full of temptation?

1. Be honest about your weaknesses

You can't fix something if you don't admit it's broken. So if we're serious about developing greater self-control, we need to be totally honest with ourselves about where we lack it. Taking some time to reflect on the way we spend our time, the urges we tend to respond to and the way we conduct ourselves, and then on when each of these things is positive (and in line with God's best for us), enables us to build up a picture of where we might struggle to exercise self-control. By doing this we properly define the problem: a vital first step.

2. Recognise self-control is about a partnership

Self-control is a spiritual discipline; what the great Christian writer Dallas Willard calls "an activity in my power that enables me to accomplish what I can't do by direct effort." That means developing it is a partnership between God and us. If we attempt to practice it on our own, we'll inevitably stumble and fall short. The amount of temptation around us is overwhelming to the point where self-control becomes a superhuman feat. Fortunately, we have access to something beyond the power of humanity. Recognising that this isn't just about us is key to our success.

3. Make it a goal

Self-control and self-denial are incredibly hard work. We're much more likely to practice them successfully if we make them into a defined goal. So treat developing this virtue as you would any other major piece of personal development: write a journal, put reminders on your fridge, tell close friends about what you're trying to do, and invite them to hold you accountable. Personal focus and the encouragement of others are vital.

4. Exercise your self-control muscle

The next step is to become aware of situations where your powers of self-denial are going to be called into action, and to intentionally succeed in using them. Home alone with an Internet connection and a serious amount of temptation to look at adult content? Work hard at not giving in, and celebrate your successes when you don't. Create distractions and other interventions; deliberately sabotage your Internet connection; go for a walk. The same applies if you're struggling with a tendency to gamble, to eat or drink too much, or in some other way to fail to limit and moderate your actions. Whatever your struggle, you'll get better at resisting temptation if you practice resisting temptation.

5. Learn and recover from your setbacks

...And when you can't quite resist temptation, don't capitulate entirely. One mistake doesn't mean you're back where you started; that you are unable to practice self-control. Instead, try to learn from your setback – ask yourself why it happened, and how it might have been avoided. Every journey of growth involves some stumbling; we're imperfect after all. Failure isn't a disaster, but how you respond to it can be. Don't give up.

6. Draw closer to God

Finally, since self-control IS a Fruit of the Spirit, the most natural and obvious way to develop it is to ensure we're constantly stepping closer toward God, and asking him to fill us with that Spirit. If we truly do that, the Bible promises that he will not fail to transform us from the inside.

Self-control will never be easy; even those who've chosen the monastic life admit to struggling with temptation. It is something to be valued and worked towards however; a virtue which will undoubtedly help us to live more dynamically, and which cannot fail to powerfully impact those who witness it in us. Ultimately, total success in this area won't come until each of us is made perfect in Christ – in the meantime, we should try hard to stumble toward better self-control, with God's help.