7 Monster Machines

7 Monster Machines That Look Like They Were Designed by a Five-Year-Old

"It's like a jet plane but with a GIANT SPINNY PART too!"

SIKORSKY S-72

By Eric Limer

Designing construction equipment, planes, trucks, cranes, and other industrial vehicles is a painstaking process, the work of highly educated engineers with detailed plans. Every tiny design element has a purpose, and no possible complications can be overlooked, or the results could be catastrophic.

But at the same time, a lot of these things kind of look like a toddler could have come up with them, right? Allow me to explain.

The Big Robot Bug With a Tail That Eats Trees Real Fast

JOHN DEERE

"So this robot it, like, it has a bunch of legs like a little ant but it's so big that its bigger than mommy's van and when you ride inside it it stomps around on the ground all like BOOM BOOM and crushes rocks and twigs and dirt and stuff! OH and it has like, it has like a giant tail thing that's like a tail but it's like a crane and it has a big yellow thing at the end with a BUNCH BIG SAW AND A CLAW and it can pick up trees right out of the ground and it cuts them up into little pieces so fast that it's so cool but actually kind of a little scary but I still like it and I'm actually not scared of it at all really."

The Big Yellow Bulldozer But With a Giant Saw for Cutting Up the Road and Stuff

VERMEER

"OK, oh man, so this one is like—you know a big bulldozer? It's like a big bulldozer except it doesn't have a pusher part it has a big circle CUTTING SAW! It's like the thing they use to make a pizza into slices but the circle part is so big it's like twice as tall as dad and it has a bunch of BIG SPIKES on it so it can CRRRRRUNCHSMAAAAASH through through the street and the ground and rocks and everything even though its really hard! And it's yellow like a bulldozer and it's real loud and super awesome."

The Tank With the Plane Parts On Top So It Can Blow Out All the Fires

GETTY IMAGESCHIP HIRES

"This one is like a big tank with the long tank wheel things but instead of a big gun it has like a big—no TWO blowers like on a plane that push the plane but it doesn't fly it just points the blowers at a big fire and PFFFFFFFTTTT and it just blows them right out like a birthday cake. Oh but and then also it has hoses too and it spits on the fire while it blows on the fire but it's not gross because it's not really spit and there's no cake just a big fire like the one we had in the backyard in the summer but like A HUNDRED TIMES BIGGER!!"

The Cool Plane That's Like a Helicopter But It's Also Still a Cool Plane

SIKORSKY X-WING

"This one is a plane but not a super duper huge one like the one we flew in to go to Wisconsin. It's like a little plane but a cool little one like in the Army and the pilot sits in there like with the neat helmet but it also has A BIG SPINNY PART on the top of it like a helicopter and it still the big engines like a plane though so it can go really fast and they're red and if a problem happens in the sky it can like, BLOW UP OR SOMETHING so you can jump out and not get chopped up by the spinny part."

The Giantest Crane Ever That's Super Tall and Just Knocks Stuff Over All the Time

"This one is like a big scooper machine but like 20 times bigger and it's got a long long neck like a big dinosaur but it's not a dinosaur and it doesn't eat plants or leaves off trees—it EATS BUILDINGS and smashes them until they crumble up with a its big red claw. Its big long neck also can move EEE-ERRR-EEEEEE and fold up kinda like a Transformer because its super tall knocking-stuff over part has like TWELVE ELBOWS and also it's blue not yellow like normal because blue is my favorite color."

The Giant Truck With Big Red Spinning Crusher That Eats Rock and Poops It Out the Back

SANDVIK

"This one's like a huuuuge truck that's even bigger than my schoolbus and it's got a big trunk like an elephant on the front but it's not actually a trunk its a BIG RED ROBOT ARM WITH SPIKEY WHEELS ON IT and when it's going all GRRRRRRCHCSHSH you can drive it right into a wall and the wall won't stop it because it will just drive right through the wall and chew it all up. It even has a little part at the back where it can poop out the rocks it ate even though the rocks aren't food. It doesn't care, it just poops them out like a poop."

The Biggest Plane You've Ever Seen But Two of Them and They're Smashed Together in the Middle

STRATOLAUNCH SYSTEMS

"This one is like the biggest plane you've ever seen and it has a big wing that's like even bigger and longer than our whole house but there's also TWO OF THEM and they're smooshed together so it's like an EVEN BIGGER DOUBLE PLANE. And it's got like six big engines so it can fly way up into the sky and it's big enough that someday it'll carry a GIANT ROCKET and then the rocket can shoot of into space from the sky where it's closer to space instead of shooting off all the way from the ground like a normal rocket."