When Trust Is Violated
Trust is the foundation of all positive, healthy relationships. Trust is the glue that holds people together through life’s most difficult experiences. With this foundation, we can endure almost anything; without it, every interaction and every decision is a threat.
We exercise trust in virtually every interaction in our lives. We trust cars and airplanes with our lives; we trust banks with our money; we trust the restaurant with our health. We trust others as we share our secrets. We trust a spouse with our marriage. We trust God, even though we cannot see Him. When Trust Is Violated Like a hammer shattering a porcelain vase, a relationship of trust can be shattered by physical, sexual, or emotional abuse. In fact, traumas like car accidents, severe injuries, or deaths in the family can also undermine a person’s sense of security and trust. Less obvious, but just as devastating, are words of criticism and condemnation that wear a person’s soul away like sandpaper. This erosion of trust might occur dozens of times a day—so often that it seems “normal.” Trust is also eroded by the absence of love and attention.
People whose trust has been shattered or eroded feel desperate to find stability, so they try to control their lives in any way they can. Because these people do not build positive, trusting relationships, they feel empty and disillusioned. Three different types of problems can occur for these
people:
1. Blind Trust— Some try to control others by attempting to please them, doing whatever it takes to make others happy. They close their eyes to the reality of the hurt, anger, lies, and manipulation and end up trusting untrustworthy people. Their goal is to obtain the love they crave.
2. Aggressive Distrust—Some try to control by dominating. They cover their insecurity by yelling, cursing, and blaming, but they also use charm to get what they want. This combination of charm and venom puts other people off balance.
3. Passive Distrust—Some try to avoid being hurt any more by keeping their distance from people. They give up on relationships altogether, concluding that it is too painful and too hopeless to even try to relate to others.
Learning To Trust
Even those with very painful pasts can learn to trust again. This is done by learning perceptive trust. Those who have insight and wisdom know that not everybody is trustworthy, and that trust must be earned by consistent, honorable, ethical behavior. To have perceptive trust is to live in the reality—often the harsh reality—that people we love will let us down. To have perceptive trust is to know, however, that God will never let us down. Following are some suggestions for learning to trust perceptively:
Identify Patterns of Distrust
People must be honest about the pain of the past and the damage it has caused. The patterns of hiding from people, dominating them, or pleasing them at all costs exist because people are desperate to find some meaning and safety in their lives. Ultimately, such behavior only hurts them more. Repentance is a vital part of the Christian experience and involves being honest about wrong perceptions and destructive behaviors. Repentance enables them to choose what is good and right.
Gain a New Perception of God
People’s most intimate human relationships will color their perception of God. But these perceptions can be changed as God shows His true character and great love. Finding a fellowship of believers who are experiencing the goodness and grace of God can help people shape a healthy view of God.
Take Steps to Trust Perceptively
Blind trust people need to be more cautious in relationships and not trust so quickly and completely. Aggressive distrust people need to be quiet and calm, encouraging rather than intimidating. Passive distrust people need to take steps to be more open and vulnerable with those they trust. These are all healthy steps of growth and change.
Find People Who Understand
Changes of the heart do not occur in a vacuum. People must find others who can understand, encourage, and speak the truth to them about God and about themselves. One trustworthy, honest, perceptive person can make all the difference. In cases of severe abuse or abandonment, a pastor or a professional counselor may better provide the insight and nurture necessary for change to occur.
Absorb the Truth About God
To learn to trust, people must absorb the Scriptures with an attitude of commitment and with prayer. They can search passages that are particularly meaningful and memorize them. God is, and always will be, true to His Word. They can count on Him to lead them and give wisdom, peace, and strength. No matter how much their trust has been destroyed in the past, people can still discover that God is supremely trustworthy. In Him, they can find peace and wisdom. The Bible promises, “Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths” (Prov. 3:5, 6).
Further Meditation
Other passages to study about the issue of trust include:
– 2 Samuel 22:3, 31
– Psalms 4:5; 5:11; 9:10; 27:10; 31:1
– Proverbs 11:28
– John 20:29
– Romans 8:31–39
Trust in the Lord (1:7). Over a century before, Jonah had warned the Assyrians (in the capital city of Nineveh) of God’s judgment, and they had repented. It seems their spiritual renewal didn’t last long, however, and they began oppressing God’s people. They attacked Israel, the northern kingdom, taking them into captivity. Nahum’s prophecy comforted the people in the southern kingdom (Judah). They knew that “the LORD is good . . . and He knows those who trust in Him.” When the wicked appear to be in control, don’t despair. He won’t forget those who trust in Him.
No comments:
Post a Comment