Do You Know What God Thinks about Sex?
God is not afraid of human sexuality—that is evident when we read Song of Solomon.
It’s His idea, after all, and has His full support as the consummating act of male-female love within marriage.
In Song of Solomon 4:1-5:1, we look at Solomon and Shulamith’s wedding night and discover four principles that will lead to maximum sexual fulfillment for a husband and wife.
1. Compliment Her (Song of Solomon 4:1-7)
Men, your wives are motivated by what they hear. In Song of Solomon 4:1 and 7, Solomon’s key word is “fair”: “Behold you are fair my love! Behold you are fair!” That word could easily be translated “beautiful” for a contemporary audience. Solomon’s use of it three times is a sign of intensity—he was completely taken by the beauty of his wife.
If women are motivated by what they hear, men are motivated by what they see. Women are verbal creatures while men are visual. In 4:1-5, Solomon praises no fewer than eight different parts of his wife’s body. While some of his compliments are strange to modern ears, Shulamith would have understood the sweetness of them.
He ends his description of his wife’s body by declaring that he is prepared to be with her all night long, “until the day breaks and the shadows flee away” (verse 6). Solomon is totally enthralled with the beauty of his bride and looks forward to making love to her all night long.
Solomon has aptly demonstrated how to prepare for sexual intimacy—with time and tenderness. Not rushing things, but taking time to convey to his bride his total satisfaction with who she is.
2. Focus on Your Spouse’s Needs (Song of Solomon 4:8)
Five times in verses 8 through 12, Solomon calls Shulamith his “bride.” He is completely focused on her. It’s the same idea that Paul picks up in 1 Corinthians 7:4 where he says that spouses do not have authority over their own body; each spouse belongs to the other.
That’s the secret. The excitement of intimacy comes when we focus on meeting the needs of our spouse, not our own needs. As we meet the needs of the other, our needs are met as well.
3. Wait for Marriage (Song of Solomon 4:12-15)
Solomon now praises Shulamith for her virginity and her purity in verse 12, referring to her as a “garden enclosed..., a spring shut up, a fountain sealed.”
She has saved herself for her husband and he is grateful. He goes on to refer to her as a garden of delights: fruits, spices, fragrances, and living waters from Lebanon. Solomon’s deep knowledge as a naturalist comes out as he runs down a list of spices which comes to mind when he is in his lover’s garden. The image of her as a “well of living waters” speaks to the abundant, never-ending love he anticipates enjoying in his marriage to Shulamith. Her enclosed garden and sealed fountain have been released for him alone.
4. Drink Your Fill of Your Spouse (Song of Solomon 4:16-5:1)
These last two verses, in the Hebrew text of Song of Solomon, occur in the exact center of the book. The satisfaction of sexual intimacy stands at the center of this great love poem—and not by accident. No one could say that the God who inspired the Bible frowns upon sex when he put this passage at the exact center of Song of Solomon.
Solomon has commanded the stage throughout this passage, but now Shulamith speaks with beautiful poetic words inviting her beloved to come and satisfy himself in the garden that is now his: “Awake, O north wind, and come, O south! Blow upon my garden that its spices may flow out. Let my beloved come to his garden and eat its pleasant fruits.”
Twice before in the Song (2:7; 3:5), Shulamith warned her friends not to stir up nor awaken love “until it pleases.” And now is the time, evidenced by her own invitation to Solomon to consummate their marriage in the garden of her delight. She has faithfully waited for the perfect time to give herself to her beloved, and the time is now.
Solomon speaks in response to Shulamith’s invitation, affirming that he has enjoyed the delights of what is now “my garden.” Nine times in this one verse (5:1) he uses the word “my” in referring to the delights of his garden. They are married and now enjoying the fruits of their disciplined wait and their joint anticipation of the marital bed. They please each other in full appreciation of the gift they represent to one another. Only after their wedding did Solomon refer to Shulamith as “his” garden. He is hers and she is his, with God’s blessing.
With the last words of verse 1—“Eat, O friends! Drink, yes, drink deeply, O beloved ones!”—God speaks for the first time in this book, inviting the two lovers to drink their fill of one another. God gives His seal of approval not just to Solomon’s and Shulamith’s physical union, but to every couple today who honors the marriage bed in the way they did. Sex within marriage was God’s idea and plan for mutual satisfaction and happiness.
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